Friday, December 31, 2010

Before we got sucked in.

I always wanted to live in the 50's where things were simple. No Facebook, Text messaging,no reality TV.

I want to sit at the table with my family for meals,have coffee with the Neighbor and chit chat, Spank our kids without going to Jail or having a CPS visit! Go on car rides for fun with Ward, Wally and Beaver! I wanna be June cleaver dammit!!!!

The 1st thing upon waking up is check my phone for missed text, get some coffee turn news on the tube and get on facebook. My kids are still sleeping snug in their beds with their TVs glowing. we have 3 TVs on 24/7, the laptop is always open. Video games always being played!

When our box dinner isn't made we eat out. rare anything I make is homemade. When we eat its on the couch! not next to my little ones talking about the day.

How things have changed in this world, in the years coming I am worried if we might not need to even open our mouths to speak. they will have something read our minds and speak for us. Not in my day I am sure but maybe my great grand children's.

I want things to change in 2011, I don't want to be thin. or have fuller hair or lips, I don't even want to be rich... I wanna be rich in love and simple things, I wanna try out for one week. I am not sure when, but one week where we don't text! We make phone calls, We don't email, we bust our pens out. No crap TV but maybe some news and PBS :)Make God our foundation.Eat meals together and make everything from scratch! Even buy a cow for milk and food!!! KIDDING! So far the only thing I have is a clean house!

I wanna spend one whole week as June!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Finding out

So You know how on that movie with Natalie portman, Anywhere but here? She is in California and she trys to find her dad and when she does the call is stale and doesn't really turn out how she had hoped? She has pictured him missing her and wanting to see her? I am starting to wonder if I find him if that's how it will be.

I found out about 2 weeks ago that the man who I thought was my Dad all 24 years of my life was indeed not my "Real" Dad. I had always wondered why I looked nothing like my 3 siblings or why I was 5'1 and the rest of the kids were well over six feet. I always joked about it but never thought it was true. Until the day she walked in and said she had something to tell me. I wasent mad, I was sad for him that he couldnt be a part of my life. All these years she asked me to find an old Boyfriend of hers. Said he looked just like Al from Home improvement. I blew it off thinking oh Boy moms old Fling. When she told me that he was my Dad I got a little dizzy.I still get Dizzy when I think of Him. My Siblings and Dad all knew and never felt I was ready to know. My Dad doesnt even know that I know. Its better that way.

Back in 1986 her and my Dad had split up and she worked with Birth Dad who I will call Al Borland. At a Hospital, She got pregnant with me and went back to my Dad, Its a long story I suppose. She said he might not want to meet me but I could try. My Sister said I look just like him. I think I want to see what he looks like more than I really want to meet him. I found him and hour away. Not Married No Kids. I sent him a letter he never picked it up from the Post office, Is he dead? Has he lost his mind? Did his house wash away with all this rain? I forsure don't want to think that he may have his own life and doesn't want anything to do with his Daughter......... I am here if you wanna find me.......